Happy Easter! My name is Rachel Sochney. I live in Maple Grove, MN. I’m a wife, mother of two, and spend most of my time looking for the non-existent escape hatch on this prison ship called my life. I’ve accepted the fact that the delusion of a happy, stable, middle class existence hinges on my ability to keep my sadness, anger and depression to myself. Here’s a little about my family:
Brian, my husband, is a VP of Product Development for Hormel. He’s very handsome and quite possibly sleeping with a married woman who suffers from “stripey hi-lights”. I have not confirmed this, but it is possible because Brian has been forcing us to go to church every Sunday, a sure sign of guilt. He’s in Shanghai for a month opening a new office for Hormel and trying to figure out how to “Chinese-ify SPAM”. His words, not mine.
Cody, my three year old son, has a questionable penchant for décor , fine foods, and dressing like Fred from Scooby Doo. I suspect and hope he is gay. He also loves inappropriate outburst like laughing during the sad part of a movie. When people take me to task to control his behavior, I tell them he is autistic.
Bekka, my daughter, is fat. I’ll watch her take down a whole box of Thin Mints and not even try to stop her. I like to be the skinniest lady in this house. Brian bought her a Sidekick for her birthday, a phone significantly better than mine.
Tyler Cerdus is my ex-boyfriend from high school. He works for an ad agency downtown called Tad Ware & Company. He’s recently divorced and e-mailed me a few weeks ago. We’ve had coffee and several days ago he kissed me after showing me the hilarious video of the news woman eating "it" while stomping grapes. I’ve invented a story about taking a Spanish class on Friday afternoons so I can see him every week. He could be my ticket out, but I can’t let him know that. That would scare him away.
I’m really happy to be guest blogging for Funny or Die. I’d like to end all my posts with a selected video that sums up how I’m feeling. Here’s Sunday’s:
Mauled By a Bear - watch more funny videos
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