Thomas Kin-crap

Thomas Kinkade, "Painter of Light" represents everything I hate about Maple Grove. The fact that a Thomas Kinkade gallery even exists here is proof positive that this is hell. If you're not familiar with his use of idealism and sentimentality to sell paintings via mail order and franchises to dumb dumbs, consider yourself lucky. Unlike my counterparts here, I have a minor in Art History, which makes Thomas Kinkade especially excruciating to talk about. When Thomas comes up, usually because someone has a TK "painting" (a TK painting is a print where hilights have been painted on by "skilled craftsmen"), I try to change the conversation to quality impressionist painters like Manet. Which elicits the response "You mean Monet". I take that as my cue to admit that I misspoke and when my face turns red with anger I feign an allergy to whatever is being served. A lot of ladies in Maple Grove think I am allergic to smoked salmon mini cheesecakes, feta cheese tartlets, potstickers, prosciutto-wrapped asparagus,bruschetta, tiny pizzas and deviled eggs.

From Resentful Mom

BFF!

My "best friend", Kristie Snidelou, is really more like a person who I allow to come into my house and rape me of my time. She has been married to the same person three times. Right now they've been married for 26 months, which is about how long it takes them to start realizing they hate each other again. I hope the this time, when they have one of their knock-down drag-out divorce inducing fights, which they will soon, they decide to drop rat poison in each others morning OJ. Cause if they don't kill each other, I don't know how many afternoons I can continue to listen to her Bonnie Bell lip glossed slathered lips repeating the same, tired, redundant points about why Stephen just isn't good enough while I stuff my mouth with turkey roll ups. Something has to go in my mouth so hateful words don't.