Monday, March 9, 2009

Flirt Alert!

Last night Brian's co-worker Tracie Welkey and her husband Stuart joined us for dinner. Brian is the CEO of product development at Hormel and Tracie does something. Tracie is a slim blonde with a tiny haircut and laughs like she's gasping for air. Her husband has skinny fat guy disease (you know, where you have a belly but really skinny arms and legs and neck) and is always sucking through his teeth, I assume because his mouth makes too much saliva. For dinner I made a terrible salmon dish. Everyone lied to my face and said it was good, which made me so mad that I quietly took all the fish of their plates, tossed it in the garbage and ordered P.F. Chang's. Stuart said he'd never seen a woman be so honest about her cooking, and I thought about the several sharp things I'd like to shove in his chauvinist eye sockets. After four bottles of Robert Mondavi Pinot Noir, the food finally arrived. P.F. Chang's does it oh so right! When I wasn't loosing myself in my three orders of lettuce wraps (I love those things!), I noticed some flirting happening between Brian and Tracie. It was actually hard to miss. Brian told a story about how he almost drowned fly fishing in the Colorado River when he was 8. Tracie was so moved she blurted out a baby talk "Poor Baby" then caressed his cheek - right in front of me. How bold! The only thing I could do in this situation was to open up another bottle of wine. If this affair is going to happen, I need to nudge it forward in any way I can. As soon as I'm sure Brian is having an affair, I can start planning one of my own. I may not be able to get out of this marriage, but if there's a crack in the foundation, I'm certainly going to exploit it.

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