Sunday, February 8, 2009


The city of New York recently unveiled new facilities for civil ceremonies. How I wish something like this was available near Maple Grove 7 years ago. Don't get me wrong, my wedding was fantastic! I had all the bridesmaids in lavender silk gowns and we had lilacs everywhere. I felt like a princess and I got all the attention! Brian was really sweet and thoughtful, and had promised not to suck the snot out of his nose and to instead blow it, and he followed through on that promise all day. The excitement of the whole event completely drowned out the absolutely unbearable mourning I was doing deep down for the loss of myself (a feeling that would surface the moment I woke up the next day). The only downside was that my mother and father were in the same room, so as soon as the bar opened they opened fire on each other. I sometimes wished they were still married so they would poison each other. Point being, if I had a place to just go and get it over with, we could have saved $40K and ended up in the same place. I could have used that money to one day to run away to Switzerland. But now I'm stuck with a secret bank account at Wells Fargo with a paltry balance of $35.08. That's all the money I made last year - off an eBay sale of some old door fixtures I found at my mom's house.

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